Living Inside Out with Toks

Ep #72 How to Build Resilience

One thing we know is that trials have a clarifying effect on us. Things start to make sense, solutions to long-ago problems emerge, and we create new resolutions. But this only happens if you have a mindset of expectancy, one that is looking for precious gems. And we can only get into that mental space if we are resilient. In this episode, I share some tips on building your resilience. If it has ever made logical sense for you to quit- but you didn't, that was your muscle of strength being strengthened.

 

1. Agree with yourself not to quit. If you do, it will be easier to make sense of the season, and stopping will be logical. You don't just become resilient during failure; you decide ahead of time to get up and thrive if and when you fail.
2. Look for reasons to keep going. If you have been listening to this podcast, you'd have heard me say your path is sprinkled with the resources you need to keep going; inside you are your gifts, and all around you are the resources. But you will also find reasons to give up on your path. And because of our natural aversion to pain and discomfort, the reasons to stop will be more obvious. Please keep your eyes searching for reasons to keep going, then grab it with both hands when you find them.
3. Globalise your pain. You are not the only one going through challenges. Setting up your pain against the backdrop of the world will do two things. -You will recognise just how blessed you are because there's always someone going through something you know you can't even handle, and you will get on with living as you realise you aren't the only one going through this challenge. And this is life.

 

We seek comfort, not pain. It is the desire of most people to be comfortable. We rank convenience over purpose, and when given the option, most of us will choose comfort if chasing the ideal is difficult. The more willing we are, the more opportunity we will get to practice resilience.

 

Resources:

Who moved my Cheese

Living Inside Out Courses

Living Inside Out Newsletter

Ep #71 Raising Our Boys with Intention- Kiki Jolugbo

Meet Kiki! She is on a mission to see the male child raised into world-class leaders, while encouraging a healthy relationship between fathers and their sons.

As a mum to four boys, I subscribe wholeheartedly to this mission. I believe girls should be empowered, but Kiki says this has translated to the empowerment of our sons being ignored. Listen and let's chat about this on social- @toksaruoture

 

Connect with Kiki: 
https://etf-staging.london.cloudapps.digital/

Registration link for the Naomi's Tribe event -
https://www.bukolajolugbo.com/naomis-tribe/ use the code TOKS to get an exclusive discount fo living Inside Out listeners.

https://www.instagram.com/kikiboysmama/

Ep #70 Navigating an Unsettled World

Does it feel like we, the citizens of the world, can't catch a break? In this episode,  I share three steps for navigating uncertainty. The world has been shifted out of its comfort zone, and many of us feel unsettled, unsure and unwilling to accept that this season may be here to stay.  From the pandemic and lockdown to talks of a financial crisis which kept us on edge, waiting for the axe to fall, to the war in Ukraine, rising energy prices, cost of living situation and a massive earthquake that has killed tens of thousands and displaced thousands more.

 

Accepting change is difficult, especially when we prefer the former reality. It doesn't make sense that things turned bad on their own accord. But we can't fight nature. Acceptance does not mean giving up; it means recognising that the change may be here to stay and you are equipped to adjust your sails.

 

But to navigate your new environment, you need space. Space to make mistakes and learn, because you will take a wrong turn or two. You also need grace so you do not prejudge yourself, you need space to think, to feel, to grow and to move.

 

Only after you have accepted your new reality can you then redesign your life, or your path so that your goals are still realised. For that to happen, understand that the destination was never in question, but sometimes the vehicle breaks down and we have to get into another car. And that's okay.

 

Resources

Canva- for vision boards

Get Unstuck: Mindset Mentoring

 

 

Let's Connect:

Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

 

Ep #69: Beverly Adaeze is Living Authentically

I sit down for a tete-a-tete with the beautiful Beverly Adaeze, content creator, lifestyle, beauty and travel influencer.

We chat about growing up, African parenting (of course!), life as a content creator, and our shared affection for fried plantains! Oh, and why did she move to Columbia? Plus, our Christian Faith.

 

Is there someone inspiring you'd like to see featured on Living Inside Out? Drop an email to pa@toksaruoture.com, and we'll make it happen!

And if you haven't, please Subscribe, Like and Share, and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this episode! Also, leave a comment below to let me know if the topics mentioned have found their way into your life.

 

Let's Connect: INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK, LINKEDIN, TWITTER @toksaruoture

Ask me Anything: toks@toksaruoture.com

PODCAST: LIVING INSIDE OUT WITH TOKS https://bit.ly/3nH2oh5 Living Inside Out Podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcast, iHeart Radio, Google Podcasts, Castbox, etc.

Everything else: www.toksaruoture.com

Ep #68 Why Your New Year Resolutions Won’t Last

Have you been wondering if your new year resolutions will last?

It's the start of 2023, and we are surrounded by more inspiration and motivation than ever. It would appear, actually, that we are in an incubator, and you may be feeling unbelievably optimistic. Or perhaps you feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable as you struggle and fail to get into the new year, new me vibe. If that's you, you're not alone.

There are some obvious reasons why new year resolutions fail. New Year resolutions often fail because of a lack of motivation, planning, and accountability. Setting big goals at the beginning of the year can be easy, but it can be challenging to stay on track without a plan for achieving them and someone to hold you accountable. Additionally, it can be easy to forget or get distracted if you don't have a solid motivation to make the resolution happen. To increase your chances of success, create a specific plan with achievable, measurable goals and find an accountability partner who can help you stay on track.

But some mindsets can set you up to fail, even with meticulous planning and intrinsic motivation.

In this episode, I highlight why new year's resolutions don't stick. Past failures may be responsible for your reluctance to set new goals if you are wondering, and I share reasons you might want to step back from all the goodness of motivational gurus, at least for now.

1. You want to avoid motivation overwhelm. Too much food, even when healthy and delicious, will leave you feeling uncomfortable and unable to enjoy the benefits.
2. You risk embracing solutions to a problem you don't have;' this will lead you to subconsciously create the problem, so the solution you adopted will be effective.

As usual, I share stories from my life; I hope you will leave this episode feeling less burdened, less overwhelmed and with no judgment on how you have chosen to navigate this season and set your new year resolutions.

Resources:

Resources

The Temptation of Eve

Get Unstuck in 2023

Let's Connect:

Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

Ep #67 The Iceberg Theory: How to Trust in the Unseen and Manifest your Dreams

Has your dream taken a detour? Dreams and visions are invisible, a preview of what is to come, but how can you ensure they manifest as a physical reality?

 

In this episode, I share a powerful concept that God taught me to believe in and manifest my dreams. Too many of us embark on a path with joy and certainty only to give up halfway because the journey does not resemble what we imagined. We often translate rejection to mean it isn't possible; we call it the end of the road when it is a pause. My goal with this episode is to help you understand that you straddle across three realms, the spiritual, the emotional and the physical. And the causal space is spiritual. I want you to know that the bulk of your dreams lies in that realm, which is why it is invisible. I want you to leave knowing that being able to imagine, desire and plan towards it is all the evidence you need that it is already a done deal. As usual, I use examples from my life where I have put this life principle to practice- and got the exact results I was hoping for. This happened even after I got rejected more than once.   Your inside is superior to your outside. We will achieve much more when we pay more attention to the invisible causal realm instead of toying around with the physical and temporal environment. Be a creator of unseen realities, not a rearranger of the seen and expired.

 

Resources:

Get Unstuck: A Mindset Mentoring programme

Your Rockstar Story Workshop

Watch on YouTube Toks's Journal Entries

Ep #66 Your Life as a Classroom

You know what it's like to discover somebody whose life inspires you greatly? And you are so moved by them that their life becomes your classroom.

In addition, these are not necessarily motivational speakers who speak and share their knowledge; these are people whose existence in themselves is a lesson for all. In this episode, I share some people who have impacted my life simply by living theirs. 

 

I believe our lives should be a classroom to others; that role isn't reserved only for celebrated people. The people in your life today should be blessed because they crossed your path. And you must leave a legacy behind for generations to learn from. I believe we all have that responsibility.

 

I also tell you why I am motivated to propel forward by this Patrick Overton quote:

When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on - or you will be taught how to fly.

 

Patrick Overton

 

Resources

Concepts World

Valorie Burton

Get Unstuck in 2023

 

 

Let's Connect:

Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out together on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

 

 

Ep #65 What’s Up November? Don’t forget the fruits of your hard work

To understand where you stand today and how you got there, you've got to know where you've been. In this episode, I catch you up on the last three months; I have been on hiatus for that long. It has been a trying season, and while I am still physically in that space of lesson learning, challenges, mentally, I have departed, which is good.

 

Our difficulties come to teach and stretch us. I believe they come to push us to increase our capacity for learning more, living more and being more of who God created us to be. This season has delivered well.

Do you work hard to plant and nurture- and forget to pick your fruit?

I have been reciting the scripture "I will bear fruit in each season", but what's interesting is how often I have planted, nurtured, and borne fruit but not actually picked it. There is something oddly satisfying about knowing you have potential or opportunity but not utilising it. Sometimes it's because you feel once it's used up, you'll have nothing to look forward to. Does that make sense? I know I have lived that lie. At other times we hold back from picking fruit because the possibility of ownership brings us more satisfaction than the striving to own. So after you have worked hard, you don't cash that cheque and instead hold on to it- which doesn't make sense, but we do it. I am reminded of the former baseball player Ricky Henderson who received a signing bonus of $1 million. The accounting office for Oakland Athletics called him as they noticed an inconsistency in their books. The cheque hadn't been cashed, and when Henderson was asked why, he said he had framed it. He didn't know he had to actually cash it. 

But you see, cheques often have an expiry date. In the UK, it says valid within three months. And if you choose to remain in the place of possibilities, your fruit will die while still hanging on the tree.

New friends, New traits

One of the lessons I have learned this season, while still blowing my mind, is how being in a different circle can expose you to your own character traits. That's been the case with me. As my network expands, I have seen tendencies about myself that I have been shocked by, and I have had to address them. And this again buttresses my point about how challenges come to teach us- I am learning more about myself and my detrimental tendencies.

Mindset Mentoring update

In other news, my mentoring program is going amazingly well! The programme comprises a mix of live zoom calls, daily thoughts to ponder, activities and in-person meetings with good food (of course!). Here are some of the comments I've received so far:

"Thank you, Toks, for sharing real wisdom, and being able to see your vision was such a blessing."

"I really enjoyed yesterday's session. I've been thinking about it thought out the day learning how to listen to myself and my own voice and trying to realise it's also part of self-care as well taking time to listen to myself is self-care."

"I am so hopeful that before the end of this master program we will have more clarity, our mindset would have shifted more (I'm already in a reset mode after yesterday's session ) and ready to do exploits 🙏🏿💖. I can't wait for our next session"

If you wanted to join in but missed the opportunity, you can do so next year. Send me a message to let me know. When the books are open again for registration, I'll alert you. Till next time, remember to live from the inside out!

Resources:

From the Basement Up Podcast: Toks Aruoture- The Baby Cot Shop

Affirmation: Like a tree that bears fruit Jeremiah 17:7-8

Get Unstuck: Mindset Mentoring Programme

Let's Connect:

Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don't you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

Ep #64 Believe Again: Reclaiming Your Ingenuity

Down memory lane has many benefits, but only if you know to navigate your way to the right spots. There are gems hidden in the dark places we left behind. We shy away from going back there because of the painful memories, but do you know that you displayed incredible strength in that space?

 

How else would you have been here to tell the tale? Yes, it was hard, but you survived. Yes, it was dark, but you found your way out. You never want to experience it again, but you did. And you're here; scarred? Maybe, but alive.

 

In this episode, I share my experience of going back to one of the darkest periods of my life, and I uncover some personality traits that I buried, along with the experience. I intend to get you to do the same. Storms transform us into better versions of ourselves- but only if we submit to the change process.

 

Some of the gems I uncovered include:

 

Courage isn't a feeling. It's a decision you take amid fear. It is counter-logical but do it anyway.

 

Authenticity; is the practice of being yourself and showing up as you- even when the world would prefer a different version. Show up anyway.

 

Raised Expectations; raise your expectations to meet God's promise for you; don't lower them to agree with your present circumstances.

 

I also shared tips on how to hope again when all hope is lost.

 

I pray this episode fulfils my intention for it, which is to help you propel onto the next phase of your life, whatever that looks like, with confidence that God has got you.

 

 

Resources:

Finish Strong: Your Foundation for Starting Next Year Well

Get Unstuck: Mindset Mentoring Programme

 The Simplifiers Podcast: How to Adopt a Healthy Mindset

 

Let's Connect:

Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.

Ep #63 Believing is Seeing: Take a Step of Faith

No doubt you have heard and perhaps used the adage, Seeing is believing. This suggests that you cannot deny what you can physically see. It also means that if you can't see it, it doesn't exist.

 

In this episode, I challenge you to reverse that thinking; you see what you believe. The unseen world is superior to the seen; everything we see today started in the mind- either in the mind of the Creator or in the mind of man, the creator. Every painting we see and admire was first completed in the mind of the artist before he represented it on canvas.

 

Your shoes and clothes existed first in the designer's mind before they fashioned what only they could see into the physical versions. It follows then that if you want to manifest an idea hidden in your mind, you must believe it is real and worthy of being embodied.

 

We tend to only give our time and effort to what we can see- because we deem that real. But that demotes you from creator to arranger. You are simply rearranging other people's creation and not manifesting any of yours.

 

As always, I draw examples from my experiences which form the basis of the lessons shared to help you take a step of faith.

 

Resources:

The Simplifiers Podcast: How to Adopt a Healthy Mindset

The Call of Abram: Genesis 12

Joshua’s Installation Joshua

Get Unstuck: Mindset Mentoring Programme

 

Let's Connect:

Have you subscribed to this podcast? Why don’t you do so on your favourite podcast app? Then head to Youtube.com/toksaruoture to watch and subscribe to my show, Living Inside Out. I would LOVE to connect with you on social; let's stay in touch at toksauoture.com and hang out on Instagram- @toksaruoture and on Facebook, Living Inside Out.