Living Inside Out with Toks

What role has fear played in getting to where you are today? Sure we understand fear to be a safety mechanism gifted to us by a loving God, but how do we handle it when our emotions go into overdrive? In this episode, we delve into the fear response, or The Four Fs as psychologists call it; Freeze, Flight, Fight, Fright.

 

Did you know the brain does not always distinguish between real and imagined fear? By studying a young lady's response to extreme fear, when she came face to face with a cougar, we can better understand why we don't want to step out of our comfort zone and how to overcome seemingly impossible barriers.

 

Is it possible that your two-year research into that new business idea is really you in a 'Freeze' state? Or maybe that new position you keep being passed over for is because you are self-sabotaging, or in the 'Flight' response?

 

If we don't stop to understand why we keep getting a different result despite our best efforts, we will never propel forward. Talking incessantly about an idea but not carrying it out, unexplained stress and restlessness are just some of the signs of stalling or freezing on your journey.

 

References:

Believe IT by Jamie Kern Lima

In an Encounter with a Cougar, Four Different Ways to Panic Psychology Today

Redefining Wealth Podcast by Patrice C Washington

Instagram.com/toksaruoture

Facebook.com/toksaruoture

Faith and fear are usually positioned as opposites yet they can feel the same sometimes. How can you tell the difference?

 

In this episode, Toks makes three comparisons between fear and faith drawing from her life and Biblical examples.

 

1. Faith draws from the future, fear feeds on past or current circumstances.

Faith is more than believing in an unseen God.

 

Faith is the practice of converting an invisible concept into a visible reality. Each time I succumbed to fear, it was because I looked at my past and around me for evidence of certain failure. Fear thrives on past experiences and current circumstances, neither of which has any bearing on your future.

 

2. Faith requires action, Fear hates movement.

Faith is taking a step when you can't see the ground your foot will land on. Faith moves you to work while fear keeps you paralysed. When we are afraid we'd rather stay still, scared that any movement will upset our balance. Whereas faith requires you to move, for faith without works is dead.

 

3. Fear has plenty of allies. Faith has only a few

You will find more people to agree with your fear than disagree with you. This is because most people live from the outside in. So you'll find them helping you to see the evidence of fear as opposed to looking deeper and practising faith.  It takes a particular person to point out what you cannot see and when you find such people, hold on to them. Because no matter how faith-filled you are or how on fire for God you are, you will have moments when fear supersedes your hope. And that's when you reach out to one of your special friends to help you see the invisible.

 

References:

Noah and the Ark Genesis 7 The Bible

Faith without Works James 2:17 The Bible

In this episode, I take you with me to Lagos, Nigeria, where the coronavirus pandemic is being experienced differently. Nigerians are known as the happiest people in the world and also happen to be unbelievably resilient. I draw lessons from my observations; I believe we can apply them and remove some restrictive beliefs.

 

Nigerians have a limitless mindset. I put this down to religion, and it doesn't matter which one. Nigerians are religious people, which means they believe there is a supreme being that they have access to; this being dwells outside the boundaries of what our senses perceive, leading them to believe anything is possible.

 

There is also a sense of freedom to take matters of their life into their own hands, a space I'd forgotten existed. This mindset says I'll do it myself. The infrastructure leaves much to be desired, and Nigerians have taken it upon themselves to do what the government has failed to do. Sink their boreholes. Provide their gas and electricity. They have created a world within a world where they make things work. The leason? We don't have to wait for perfect conditions to get things done. We can create our own environment if the default one isn't suitable.

 

This episode is dedicated to my entrepreneur friends, old and new who are making things happen despite their circumstances. Challenges could be internal or external, but I believe God has placed in us everything we need to thrive; we need to remove the limiting beliefs that hold us back.

 

Listen to my interview with Pregnancy Without Fear, where I share my business journey along with the challenges I experienced.

 

References:

Pregnancy Without Fear 

Interview with Toks Aruoture, Luxury Nursery Interior Designer

 

 

 

 

It has been an edge-of-the-seat year, to say the least. Many of us have had our strength and faith tested, no thanks to the pandemic. Yet, here we are. In the final episode of the year, I share 12 of the lessons 2020 taught me.

 

I believe we can use our individual lessons as a manual for navigating next year and beyond. No doubt we are going into the new year cautious, yet hopeful. We've been alerted to how crazy and unpredictable the world can get. 

Don't be quick to insert your experiences into the annals, never to be referred to again. This was not a year to simply survive and hope we return to relative normalcy. 2020 has been a year to reflect, decide and take action. 

I thank you for riding with me this year.  From the moment I tentatively clicked that Publish button for episode one, through my much-needed break and again as we round up the year.

I hope you find these lessons useful and adopt some of them into your personal manual for 2021. Have a wonderful Christmas and I can't wait to catch up next year- it will be epic!!

 

Here are the top five episodes downloaded by you, how about revisiting and sharing them during the holiday season? And if you haven't given us your stamp of approval, we'd appreciate a 5-star rating too⭐

 

1)  Introduction: A Perfect Storm  🎉

2)  The Rock Star Story: Rising Above the Storm

3) Toxic Friendships: Six Types of Friends to Avoid

4) The Concept of Authentic Living

5) The Principle of Intention

We all experience negative emotions, but when it cripples you and stops you from doing what you know you should, there's a problem. And that's where I found myself last week. In this episode, I invite you to go through a process with me, as I unravel my most recent spate of fear and anxiety.

We look at the reasons we worry and the effect it can have on us. My hope is that by getting to the root of your fear, you can manage it as opposed to it controlling you.

I also borrow life lessons from the life of Ronald Wayne, co-founder of Apple, who famously sold his share of the company for a paltry amount, 12 days after the company was formed.

Finally, we learn some traits and behaviour of that emotion, including the fact that it loses its power when you take action.

 

Key takeaways:

1. Don't let fear make decisions for you

2. Don't idolise past failures

3. Don't idolise current circumstances

4. Experience creates a belief, which affects our behaviour.

 

References:

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:8

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Let's connect on social, I'm at @toksaruoture on Instagram and Facebook. Also if you head to my website, toksaruoture.com there is an abundance of inspirational material just waiting for you there- and you can join my friends list too 🤗

 

 

What drives you? Where does your motivation come from? Our gifts are a force that drives us to express it, but that drive can come from one of several avenues. 

 

Tyler Perry, the media mogul, didn't start on a firm footing. He had no training in drama, yet there was a burden so heavy that he couldn't shake off, to write and stage plays. 

 

Sometimes our dreams and desires don't make sense to us or the people that are in our lives, especially when it doesn't appear to be bearing fruit. Tyler Perry's turning point came the day he realised there was a lot more to being fruitful than money.

 

 

What do you do when your dream is so vivid, yet attempting to live it is too difficult for words? Too often we abandon our vision because the alternative is more achievable. 

 

What if all you need is one more attempt at pushing that door wide open? 

 

But ehat if your only source of motivation gets taken away from you, what next?

 

In today's episode, we draw three lessons from Tyler Perry's life.

 

If you have enjoyed this episode why don't you review it? Episode reviews help podcasts like this found quickly by others who are looking to upgrade their thinking so they can live the life God created them to live.

 

You can also connect with me on the major social platforms at @toksaruoture

The most prominent feature of a tree is that it bears after its own kind. An orange tree produces oranges- unless some intervention has occurred such as grafting or genetic engineering. The same goes for seeds. An orange seed becomes an orange tree and goes on to bear oranges.

 

You also have a seed inside you, and you grow from that seed and go on to bear fruit. In other words, your purpose was placed in you before you were born, and the bearing of fruit is the fulfilment of that calling. The results are that people are blessed because they cross your path.

 

Yet, we hold back from using what lies in us for a number of reasons. One is that we look for safety in numbers. We are only comfortable when we find that what we are about to embark on is tried and tested- so that if we fail, we fall with company.

 

Another reason we don't tap into our hidden gems is that we doubt its validity. So we head out to look for accolades and recognition as proof that our gems are as worthy as God says they are. Worse, we see the value of our gems appreciating or depreciating depending on where the accolades are coming from.

 

What's interesting is that it is impossible to bear fruit that you don't have a seed of. An orange tree cannot produce apples- except if some grafting or =genetic engineering has occurred. So if you're in the habit of relying on the opinions of others before embarking on a journey, nothing will come out of your efforts.

 

References:

Couch to 5K

Bible Verse: Producing much Fruit

Bible Verse: I am the True Vine

Break the Shell- India Arie

 

 

 

Can you allow yourself to admit that the people you dislike have some excellent qualities, and the people close to your heart are not perfect?

Can you learn from someone you dislike? Do you feel the need to vilify the opposing side just to drive home their point? These questions have surprising answers- depending on who you ask. It appears that the colour, grey, no longer exists when it comes to opinions.

People seem to think in an all or nothing manner, that you have to choose all of one thing or all of the other. And your choice of preference translates into disdain of the other option.

It is impossible to evolve if you limit your education to sources that you prefer.

We were created with everything needed for our journey on earth, but do you know that your environment is meant to serve and not hinder you?

 

In this episode we explore how we can search our environment for evidence to support healthy thoughts and ideas, in our environment.

 

Tips for evidence-based living:

 

Train your eyes to search for evidence that will align with positive thoughts and dreams. If you don’t search, you will find evidence of failure. There is no way you can throw a net into a pond, and not come up with other stuff. Stop looking at the other stuff. You do this by living in a space of gratitude. If you can are listening to this podcast it means you are alive. Let's start with life. Life is a blessing. And blessing doesn't mean pleasant 100% of the time. Start and end your day with gratitude. The more thankful you are, the more you'll see things to be thankful for. 

 

Train your ears to hear words that align with the dream. This means you have to speak to yourself regularly. Speak words of hope, life and encouragement and do so with love. Don’t belittle yourself.

 

Write out a day in your life, doing exactly what you are working towards. For example, today is Friday the 21st of June 2023. I have just come home from the gym. I have a meeting with my staff as we prepare for our expansion into a new category.

 

References:

David and Goliath 1 Samuel 17- The Holy Bible

 

PC Home, Bromley

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How do you make decisions? Some people take things at face value while others have a more suspicious mind. Either way, we tend to trust things more when we can feel as well as see it at the same time. 

 

Emotions aligned with perception carries a heavier weight than merely seeing or feeling.  Just because you experience both at the same time does not make it valid. Yet we fall for that all the time.

 

In this episode, we look at the concept of aligning our physical senses with our emotions, and how that can mislead us.

 

Resources:

The Five Second Rule by Mel Robbins

toksaruoture.com